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Top 11 Worst Episodes I've Reviewed (2013)
So, I've been reviewing a bunch of cartoon episodes for nearly a year now and let me tell you that I've seen some of the worst in history. I've decided to compile a list of the absolute worst that I've reviewed each year. Now, I know what you're thinking - with my notebook page, isn't this a bit redundant? Well, here things can go past a 10/10 in a category. Sometimes I find things worse than I let on, so you have no idea what's going on the list. What should be more surprising is what's not on the list. I find these eleven episodes worse than anything that I didn't put on the list (that I reviewed in 2013). I've only got one rule: I can only put something on the list if it's a pure 22-minutes-or-less episode. So, you won't see Tentacolino, Hunchback II, ''or ''A Very Minty Christmas. Yes, I can put all of the Spongebob episodes on here (I'm not, but I could). Number 11: Lupe's Revenge of the Hill Did I tell you that I hate Peggy F. Hill? Oh wait, I did in my review, so I'm not going too into detail about that here. My biggest problem here isn't Peggy's gross stupidity and insufferable egotism, it's that the episode is so contrived purely to let her keep both. Someone who thinks that the speak better Spanish than the Mexican people... needs to be knocked down a few pegs. But not only does she get away with kidnapping a child, but she thinks that she did nothing wrong, still has an amazing grasp of Spanish, and is willing to shove it into other people's faces at will. I mean, if she learned that she wasn't the fucking greatest thing in the world this episode may have had a fucking point. Would it have hurt the episode to make her learn that she didn't have such a great grasp of Spanish? Oh wait, that would have stopped her from taking directions in Spanish and getting her entire family lost, and we couldn't have that. The plot is so contrived. People have told me that it takes four hours to get from middle Texas to a rural Mexican village. So, Lupe was in a bus for 4 hours complaining to Peggy AND ANOTHER TEACHER WHO COULDN'T RECOGNIZE HER, and neither of them noticed that they've never seen her before. I don't care if Peggy is only a substitute teacher, she's been shown to know the students. Speaking of that, what about the other students? The episode said that they were in the Spanish Club, so they should have known that there was a stranger in the bus. Also, in the States, "ignorance is no excuse" for comitting crimes. I don't know if it's the same in Mexico, but even if Peggy didn't know that she was kidnapping a child, she was still kidnapping a child. And there's the subplot where a cop stalks and sexually harasses someone. That's plainly what it is. I didn't complain about this in my actual review because Peggy F. Hill stole my focus, but the B-plot really did disgust me. Never mind the double standard at play here, it's the fact that on some level we were supposed to feel sorry for the cop. She gave up with a defeated frown. What the hell? Look, I'm not going to feel sorry for someone abusing their power to frisk someone, sexually harass, and stalk them, whoever the hell they are. She'd probably make a better wife than Peggy F. Hill though. Number 10: It's a Wishful Life Odd Parents I've said that this is my least favorite Animated Atrocities ''review. Now, every review that doesn't clock in at at least five minutes disappoints me personally. I spend days working on these things. But that's not the only reason why this is my least favorite ''Atrocities review. This episode deserved so much more fucking punishment. I went into the basics at least. The concept itself is as depressing as hell. Timmy wishes that he was never born, and finds out that the world is infinitely better. So... cosmos, are you telling Timmy that he should off himself because he makes the world worse with his mere presence? Then there's that half-assed lesson. Timmy shouldn't do things to get some praise for it. HELLO!? He wasn't doing things to get praised. He was just tired of people complaining at his spent time, effort, and money. And you shouldn't tell that people shouldn't expect some sort of praise for what they've done, nor should you tell people that they can take advantage of people until they're questioning their own self-worth. Whether Jorgan's world was a ruse or not, it makes no fucking sense. Francis is no longer a bully... because Timmy was the only kid that he bullied. Oh wait, he wasn't. And now it's Timmy's fault that he was bullied. In fact, he's making the world a worse place because he was bullied. Tootie is completely ignored--the one person who's life revolves around Timmy. Timmy's parents have another child, a girl. Okay. Well, first of all, just because you're not born doesn't mean that someone else gets born in your place. And because it's a girl, you send even more confused messages. In a much smarter version of this plot, Timmy's parents would just be a childless couple. Episodes prior had shown that they would be happier off that way. Then there's Jorgan. I know he's a sadist, but he's taking a disturbing amount of glee as Timmy suffers more and more psychological torment. And the Realm of Children who make the world better by wishing they were never born? That's giving the State Home for the Ugly a run for it's fucking money. In the words of Doug Walker, what twisted pig shit comes up with that? And why does it look like Hell? If they make the world better by wishing they were never born, shouldn't they go some place good? You know, instead of meeting the writer of this episode Number 9: Squid Baby Spongebob The FiM fanfiction Pattycakes is not horrifying. In it Fluttershy kidnaps Rainbow, puts her in a diaper, and tries to mentally turn her into a baby. It's not horrifying because she succeeds in doing this in one afternoon of baby treatment. Squidward gets turned into a baby by a semi-plausible method, a blow to the head. Yeah, it's a rip-off of Rock A Bye Bivalve, but that's not my problem with it. People seem to forget that Squidward is an adult. There's some kind of uncanny fears and reactions being played off here. Yes, I know there's a whole fetish about this kind of shit, and it feels like I'm watching their porn. One of my bigger problems with the episode is all of the drool. It sounds weird. Here's the thing, I have asperger's syndrome. When you have asperger's syndrome, certain things gross you out more than normal. They could be completely inane, like newspapers. I don't like touching newspapers, and I feel like I have to wash my hands when I do. And I hate looking at drool. This episode disgusts me far more than Face Freeze, and far more than The Splinter, and it's for the drool alone. I'm not going to say that this plot couldn't have worked. It worked in Rugrats, but the writers there knew how to show the cute side of babies. Spongebob excels at disgust. I mean, you have Squidward--a grown adult--crap his fucking pants. There's a place you don't go unless you're writing the aforementioned fetish porn. Actually, I don't think this episode would be good on that front because when doing that you need to make that particular fetish attractive. Squidward never shuts the fuck up. The whole episode is pretty much drool and crying. Number 8: Life of Brian Guy (and Christmas Guy) Oh my God, Brian's back guys! Who could have predicted that this would be the most insulting ratings trap that I've seen in quite some time. So tell me, have they made Brian a bigger asshole than he was before? I mean with this mess, they've done everything in their power to make you feel emotions that don't exist for a total asshole. They knew how to play on all of the heart strings in the worst ways. I wouldn't hate this episode if it wasn't so fucking forced. They could have had Brian get killed in a digression shot, but no. We get to see him rammed in a gory, brutal, horrifying way. Nothing progressed naturally, and it was done for the worst possible way. Snowdrop did this to make you feel sorry for a character and light up some warmth within you. This did it to take you through the death of your own dog in order to "rerail" a character (or at least the view of the character) and pull off ratings. There are factors that say that Seth MacFarlane may not have been involved in Not All Dogs Go to Heaven, but he was clearly involved here, even tweeting about it Then they replaced him with an annoying stereotype to get the demand for Brian back, despite the fact that Family Guy episodes take six months to make. Yeah, all of your petitions, they had nothing to do with this. It was a ruse from the beginning. I feel sorry for the tens of thousands who were tricked by it and signed the petition to bring Brian back. Seth MacFarlane is laughing at you. He laughs at you every day. What do you call a show that jumped the shark five years ago, and then just did something so insane that would be considered jumping the shark if they didn't do it once already? Number 7: A Pal for Gary Spongebob What can I say about this? No really, what can I say? I despise animal abuse to begin with, and using it for comedy like this just makes my blood boil. How blind, stupid, and deaf could someone be? Flanderization does not begin to describe it. Out-of-character does not begin to describe it. There's only one word I can describe Spongebob in this episode--evil. Yeah, I'm just imagining that Spongebob did know that Puffy Fluffy was a monster and teaching Gary a lesson for enjoying his time away from him. Would that be better than what was actually shown to us? I honestly don't know. This episode is cruel and sadistic. Gary is repeatedly punished for no fucking reason, in a type of plot that is never fucking done right, because... humor? There's Kafka comedy and then there's just... this. On some level this wouldn't be out of place in the Gregory Horror Show, a show that's supposed to psychologically torment their characters (and even they have a reason to). And the Gregory Horror Show is for adults. Spongebob is aimed at seven-to-twelve-year-olds, but any parent will let their kids watch Spongebob because I don't fucking know. I wouldn't. I feel uncomfortable as my family lets my little cousins watch it, even if it's one of the more tolerable modern episodes like Overbooked (you're welcome for the scabies by the way). You wonder, do you hope that they show The Splinter so they never let their kids watch Spongebob again, or a good, or at least tolerable episode, so no one deals with the scarring... for now. If you know someone who is letting their kids watch Spongebob, please at least tell them what they might be in for. Number 6: Madballs: Gross Jokes Speaking of shit made for kids. Not to toot my own horn, but this is what I feel the animation industry would become if there weren't people like me lodging criticism at it. I mean, this is pretty much what most adults seem to think that cartoons are--stupid, junville jokes, horrid colors, attempting to gross you out, no plot, no characters, just barely moving pictures. I can tell you that just watching this is probably some level of hell. Unlike The Splinter which forces you to look away, this doesn't. It instead forces your endurance. You struggle to get through it. And sometimes you lose. I was able to make it through this in one sitting, but I've obviously had a lot of training in the area. I don't even know what to talk about. It's a bunch of skits that hammer one "joke" to the ground. There is virtually no substance here. I mean, at least the G3 episodes were pleasant to look at (when the ponies weren't staring into my soul), but the colors were ugly. The animation was hideous. In fact, it was barely animated. I honestly don't get the point of gross-out humor. I never had, but I at least know where it is. You can call something gross, but that doesn't make it gross. There is no gross-out humor here. If there was, then there might be a fucking purpose to this. Whenever people tell me that I'm taking cartoons too seriously, I show them this. This is what is made when people don't take the medium seriously, try to entertain stereotypes of children, throw a little budget at it as possible. "It's made for children" is not an excuse. They deserve better than this shit. Hell, my worst enemies deserve better than this shit. Then again, not all of the shit in animation is made squarely for children... Number 5: Ctrl + Alt + Del Trilogy Madballs was 22 minutes that I made it through in one sitting. I made it through Tentacolino, a 90 minute movie in one sitting. This was 15 (with 3 opening title sequences) minutes that I needed three sittings to get through. This was the hardest thing for me to sit through period. The animation is terrible. I mean, Dusk's Dawn looks better than this. You know that the voice acting is bad when I can do better with a 15-dollar headset and a free online program. I thought that Bubsy's nails-on-chalkboard sound effect was bad, but that was before I heard the terrible high notes that they hit. It's so bad, that I was seriously considering just ending the review after the first part of the trilogy. I'm dead fucking serious. So what, it's a free online webtoon, what should you expect? I don't know, effort. Eddsworld is amazing, and I've heard great things about Homestar Runner, both no budget webtoons. Oh yeah, and they wanted to get money for this shit, while the two aforementioned better webtoons offered themselves for free. When you ask for money for your product, you deserve all of the negative criticism you get. It's kind of the point of criticism, to stop uninformed people from making bad financial purposes. The animation of this wouldn't be fit on newgrounds. The jokes are shit. The plot is shit. It's horribly dated. The characters... I would say that they were shit, but it's hard to tell through the broken audio and uncanny movements. And according to RowdyC, who reviewed the entire series, this isn't even the worst episode of the show. Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha Number 4: One Coarse Meal Spongebob What more do I have to say about this? It's an episode where a character is driven to attempting suicide through psychological torment, harassment, and stalking. I already did a commentary on my review of this episode, just watch that: www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-Jf_k… Number 3: Spongebob, You're Fired! Spongebob So, why is a ratings trap worse than an episode where someone attempts suicide? They're actually pretty on par. This episode doesn't outright do anything that heinous. It just digs itself deeper through sheer lack of quality. Let me describe the plot to you. Spongebob gets fired, he leaves the restaurant, does some stuff, comes back, and gets rehired. The stuff in between has no point whatsoever. That's why I said that Waiting had more of a plot. It at least ended up somewhere new. It's an episode where nothing happens. It wouldn't fit in one of those mid-episodes that they put in one of the seasons, you know the ones that gave us episodes like Rise and Shine. Sandy feeds homeless people sludge because... ethics don't give a damn. Spongebob can only cook krabby patties... unless he's cooking snail food. That could have gone off on it's own plot, but no. It's totally pointless filler. There are a thousand places they could have taken this episode, like have Plankton hire Spongebob since he can apparently make a krabby patty out of anything except snail food. It makes more sense than anything that's actually in the plot. I really don't think that there's much more I can add to my review of this episode. Number 2: Seahorse Seashell Party Guy Do you really want to know why this episode pisses me off? I mean besides the gross-out humor, the padded plot, the terrible moral, and the randomly racist cutaways? If you've guessed the moral, then you're right. People have guessed that the moral of this episode had affected me in a personal way, and they'd be correct. I'd really not like to get into details, but if I'd listened to the moral of "Be a lightning rod for your family's dysfunction" then chances are I'd be dead, through suicide or some other means. If a family needs a "lightning rod" chances are, it shouldn't be a family at all. I'm now no longer in such a place thankfully. It's why I live with my grandparents. My actual parents are fairly unstable people, and I could easily see myself in Meg's place in this episode. In fact, I've been in Meg's place in this episode. It ended differently as I've just said. I don't like to tell personal stories, but this episode's mere existence truly disgusts me, beyond drool, pus, etc. It horrifies me that someone might just listen to this moral that's just used as a justification of abusing Meg. I'm sure that most people know not to listen to a show that spent half an episode with a baby's skull cracked open, but there are still those inkling feelings. I thought that nothing would ever top this, but Jonah Hill proved me wrong. Number 1: 1 Night in Gottlieb Gregory Anticlimax for you all! Allen Gregory is... a pretentious shit that we're supposed to feel sorry for. That passes it past Lupe's Revenge, as does the fact that it's about a seven-year-old trying to make a sex tape with an eighty-year-old teacher. Look, pedophilia isn't funny. Hot for teacher only works if the student in naive to what the hell he's talking about, and by that I mean that he doesn't know what the hell the terminology is. It's hard to keep my rant towards this episode and not the show in general. Like, Jeremy is a straight man that was stalked, harassed, and "converted" by Allen's father and he's apparently raped, which Allen has called "plain sex." Jonah Hill, you are scum. The animation? At least Ctrl+Alt+Del had decent character designs. Judy has a bigger head than the characters of Code Lyoko, and looks like the back of a thumb with a wig. Allen's face looks like it was run over, and Allen's father looks distressingly like a scrawny Lex Luthur. The background characters go through the same cycles, like no one is going to notice what's going on there. Jonah, I want to introduce you to the brony community. Even beyond that, if no one ever moves in the background, people are going to notice by the end of the first episode. Seven episodes was way too many. Question, what's your schedule now? Three videos a week. Can we go with that? Question, are you doing a top 11 best episodes you've reviewed this year? Maybe, I don't think I review enough of them. I'll definitely do one next year. Here it'd be pretty anticlimactic, since I've already reviewed my favorite episodes of all time. Category:Top Tens